It's already here.

I read a book recently, The Mindful Way through Anxiety, by Lizabeth Roemer and Susan M. Orsillo, there are a lot of exercises and a lot of work that you need to do if you really want to free yourself of anxiety. Oh Wait, they are very clear that you can never free yourself of it and that even by trying to free ourselves of it we are just inviting the same wall to hit us in the face, on the way down, every time.

Okay.

I am an anxious person, in this day and age, who isn't? And if you aren't you are probably letting it all hang out with your middle finger at the car in front of you when they are not going fast enough for you or running the stop sign on the way to work in order to ensure that you don't have to face your boss, late. Ever.  Or you might be the quiet kid in the corner who chooses not to talk to anyone about anything because if you don't speak, well, then you don't have to get judged.  Except that people do judge you.  This is coming from personal experience when I tried to stop speaking in grade nine, "weirdo," they whispered, yup that was me, but like a true nineties movie with the right kind of heroine, my best friend, pretty, popular and a dancer materialized like something out of a fairy tale and I never had to eat lunch alone again.  Until I wanted to, and I did.  Because, like all of us, who are a little weird, I beat to the sound of my own drum and would often eat by myself in restaurants and read for hours at cafe's, alone.  I didn't mind being on my own.

Some of the time.

Not everyone likes to be alone, and not everyone has anxiety.  For Sure.  But like Oprah's "What I know for sure," (I love Oprah- big surprise!), I know that, The Mindful Way through Anxiety, helped me figure out that some of the time I liked to be alone because it was easier than putting myself out there and some of the time I tried, okay, all of the time I tried to control being anxious.  They have a beautiful saying in that book that goes something like this, "It's already here," essentially whatever you are feeling, fighting against, enjoying etc, it has landed.  You are in the middle of it.  Writing an exam: It is here.  Child having a tantrum: Oops it is already happening.  Broken Foot:  Yup, here it is.

You get the picture.  We are already in the middle of whatever it is that is going on.  Rather than fight it, ride the waves of whatever it is you are feeling, not trying to make it 'better' or 'worse' but just being in it. It is not an easy practice, like today when my nine year old was having no part of stopping his video games.  He was resisting loudly and I resisted loudly.  Translation, we yelled. Then we made up. Life went on.  Next time we will both do better.  Maybe.

Dogs live in the moment.  Joy is a good belly rub.