I never watched the show Lost, but the premise is apt for how I am feeling right now. On an airplane with people I don't know very well and gliding into an abyss where I have no choice but to get to know them.
The people are all in my mind, different versions of myself that I am trying to ground to a halt, hide in the Bermuda triangle, become unknown consciously to their wants and needs.
All a little bit mysterious and strange. Imagine how it feels to be me!
There are things about myself, inside my mind that I would rather stay locked away. I don't want to visit fake memories, but what about those real and visceral panic attacks. Where does that shit come from?
I've had a pretty good life, a beautiful Mama and a loving dad, and two pretty awesome kick-ass brothers. Now I have my own family.
From the outside we are all doing fine.
From the inside, I am writing this now, sleepless, full of thoughts and ideas when I should be getting my rest. I work at 5am tomorrow morning!
There is always a divide between that which we show the world and that which we carry with us into sleeplessness and the world of scary dreams. This is true for everyone, or at least almost everyone, so remember when you see that person that seems to have it all together, their hem might be unravelling as you are talking to her about her great outfit and she may berate herself for days after smiling at the VP with spinach in her teeth.
Sandra XXOO
