We have so much time.

One of my most recent favourite quotes I heard is this: Patience is a parent who has witnesses.  How much more patient are we when we know someone is watching? A lot.  I am much more likely to yell a little louder when my front door is closed as opposed to when it is open.  I don't think I am alone.

My son asked me: "Is having kids hard?" I said: "Yes" He said: "Oh because you have to look after them and take them to school and stuff." And yes, I guess all the stuff we do is hard, but the hardest thing is thinking about the stuff I haven't done.  Like not signing them up in time for swim classes for another year in a row, losing the field trip form and not feeding them enough healthy foods.  I think about all of these things while I am not taking my break at work because I have too much work to finish and then when I talk to my therapist we talk about all the things I am not doing for myself.

One of my most favourite shows is Enlightenment with Laura Dern.  There is one line in particular that sticks with me from that show, and I am not sure if I am quoting it directly, but it goes something like this: "We have so much time." She says this as she is paddling down a river with her ex-husband thinking about their past.

We do have time.  But, we don't have enough time for everything. Period.  There sure are a lot of shows and a lot of magazines (of which I love a lot of!) that make us think we really should have it together enough to feed our kids organic free range apples along with waking up with long silky fuzz free hair as we get ready for the day in a perfect wrinkle free pants outfit whilst sipping on our very own green kale organically sourced coffee Frappuccino as we get to our fabulous jobs that we love so much.  In this world we never raise our voices and our children are angels that we never have to call more than twice because we have the control in the family.

Most days my kids drive the bus in our family and we just let them think that we think we are in control.  Most days my hair is a mess and my outfits mismatch terribly.  I try to make my own coffee in the morning so as to save a few bucks for anything.  Just saving the bucks is a miracle. My job is good.  Do I want to be doing something else?  I think a lot of us, and I am just guessing here, would say yes.

The beauty of life is that we can keep trying.  At some point in the day, every day, I say thank you for my kids.  They are beautiful and in so many ways they have saved my life.  I say thank you for my husband. I am living a blessed life.  I try not to forget that when, like this morning, I was on call number six to get my eldest to brush his teeth so that we could get to school on time. 

Time is a bit like wine.  You love to have it (some of us do).  If you have too much you might get too loose and if you have too little you never loosen up enough.