I'm not worth crying over.

An old boyfriend who wasn't worth crying over said this to me once, "Don't cry over me Sandra, I'm not worth it."

I didn't listen.  I cried waterfalls, I chased them, just like that song said not to.  TLC. I was smitten, but not in the right ways.  I was young and young.  I didn't know that you should listen to someone when they tell you who they are the first time.  This is one of Dr. Maya Angelou's life lessons to Oprah.

But could they be hiding behind a screen of insecurity, just like you might be.  You've told many people who you are.

I have.

And, each time, I can't help but let the truth out a little more each time.  I can't hide behind false masks.  Or false promises.  Except when it comes to myself.

But, something drastic happened this week.

Unheard of.

I have forgiven myself for everything.

EVERYTHING.

There is always going to be someone who is prettier. Have you seen Helena Christenen's Instagram feed, OMG. That woman is perfect.  I digress.

And, I will have to forgive myself again tomorrow, until I learn that my tears are not for anyone but me.  If I choose to let them flow.  If I choose to love myself just a little bit more.  I can be there for those I love fully and completely.  That's not the point though, is it?

We carry around so much guilt, insecurity, longing, love, and loathing.  The burden would break anyone with half a brain and yet we walk around with full brains, and we work, we love and we pretend that everything is okay.

I'm here to say that sometimes I'm not okay and I am not going to believe you if you tell me that you are not worth crying over, because I get to do that.  That is my choice.  And the next day I will forgive myself, because maybe that is who you really are, and maybe it's not.

Sandra XXOO