Careful Catastrophe

I lost my first draft of this post.

Careful catastrophe, indeed.

I am just one person, brought up by parents who did truly love me, but moved me around a helluva lot.  I had ABBA and beauty pageants.  Those things got me through.  School was hard.  No real friends, but I did manage to make the odd one here and there.

Life has never been easy but it has never been that hard, I had parents who loved me. Truly, loved me.

And that I know is a gift.

I went to school and looked mostly like everyone else, not sure that was quite the gift.

But, that is my story, or a snippet of it.

I guess I just want to say here.  Life right now is a myriad of sucks.  More for some people, than for others.

Life ends for each of us.  We have our children to inherit the earth.  We need to give them a better place to start from than debt, demise and world disorder.  But it kinda seems like that is what is happening.

I do my best.  I teach my children.

I love.

I am loved.

But I am broken. I've been broken for a very long time and this world right now is not helping things along.

Might.

Might, I try.  Keep trying.  I do.

I am.

I am healthy for my kids, my husband.

But, the one thing I am not ashamed of is how much I want to have a big old house.  Strange day dreaming from a gal, who did have her own washroom once, for briefly one year, until her parents moved again.  But, I digress.

I want granite.  I want a two stoves and microwaves.  I want a pool. I want a wrap around couch.  I want all these things for my family.  I've always wanted them, but they are getting more and more real in my mind ( don't worry not losing my mind - just yet ) , but why can't we have what others have?  Why can't we?

And then I cry for those that are suffering each night and I berate myself for wanting things like a house.  When there are children uncared for, men and women unloved and unfairly judged.  Why?

The Why I can't answer, but I know that we all need to keep our dreams alive, side by side, and cheer each other on.  It's the only way.

The airplane safety run through is so very true, you can't help anyone else unless you help yourself first.

Sandra XXOO