Help.

I went to see a clinical counsellor and I started crying before she pretty much said hello.

I am proud of myself for getting up and going. God, I am lucky to be getting the help I need, my pyschiatrist referred me.  It is all covered under our Canadian medical plan.

But what of the Coronovirus?  I waited forty-five minutes for my doctor the other day.  I have to say that has never happened before.

These are strange times.  For now we are going on as if things are normal, minus cancelling our trip to Washington.  But, this thing may spread. Italy.  My heart goes out to Italy.

And I have been there, through Venice's packed streets that are now empty.  Everyone staying home to contain the virus.

I am no medical professional and can only speak from my heart and my heart says I love you. I love you to anyone and everyone I have had a decent relationship with, minus that first boyfriend, still working on that one.

But LOVE is the only way through now.  Medicine, of course, doctors, nurses, hospital staff, giving up their health to help the sick.  It is simply not fathomable to me.  I am not there.  Just like when you break your foot and the minute it heals you forget all about the pain and suffering it took to get better, to walk up stairs, to get to work.  I am not there.

Canada is, so far, okay.  But this could change, and my son, wise soul that he is, has his number, if it gets to this point, Mama I'm staying home.  He has an inner compass that guides him like nothing I  have seen before.

I want that knowing again.

I had a bee say hello to me today.  It was cold and no flowers were around, and it looked like it was reverberating light.  Spinning in front of me.  Saying there is more to all of this, more.  Just stay. Stay in your moment.  Stay with your kids.  Stay with your husband.

See your counsellor.  Do what is right in your heart  You know.  We all know.  Close your eyes and sleep.  It's okay to take a small rest amidst the thunder.

Sandra XXOO